So what’s new? Well, a whole bunch of the same shit every day. Just after Christmas I had somewhat of a crisis and pain in the knee area neck left arm and chest started up so now I’m back on blood pressure meds and not just regular kind either but those also issued to people with heart disease. “Just because you take it for Blood Pressure doesn’t mean you have heart disease!”

I found out I have high cholesterol at around 172-174 on the bad side. I eat regular cheerios for breakfast (don’t drink the milk) eat fruit and raw garlic and that doesn’t seem to help. Added low sodium V8 to the breakfast mix as well. Though my being over weight doesn’t help either, I weighed in at 188 at the doctor’s office but I was also in need of taking a huge shit since 2 days prior I had eaten velveeta and crackers. At the beginning of the year though I was around 195-200 so I think I’ve done good to keep it down around this range. I seem to be averaging at 180 and am unable to loose anymore.

I’ve started eating raw oats hoping that that will lower my cholesterol some more. I’m what you’d call a boredom snacker, I get bored and I snack. So, I’m hoping that when I feel the need to snack I’ll just grab me a hand full of raw oats, kinda like when you’re trying to break a habit with a rubber band on your wrist. Fiber One bars, though they do contain sugar, it beats going hungry at work and seems to be the only nutritious of the quick fix foods there.

My blood pressure is never stable. Since my Christmas crisis there’s this split second quiver feeling above my sternum, either it’s an esophageal spasm or some form of fibrillation. It’s rather annoying, I can be doing something I enjoy and then BOOM I feel that and it causes distraction and makes me feel tiny. This new blood pressure medicine Metoprolol at 50Mg lowered my blood pressure down to the 115/60ish with 58 BPM. It was scarey and I felt like I was barely alive. But my body has already built up a form of tolerance, so shortly after I have one everything normalizes.

I purchased a blood glucose meter. Only came with 20 test strips and those things are like a dollar each! I’ve only one left, pricking my finger isn’t bad at all. The readings from the tests average around mid 90s – 110′s. Which is borderline high blood sugar but still within tolerable limits.

So to sum up my life as it is now. It sucks, I can’t enjoy it from fear of dying since I get reminder pains every day which make me think clogged arteries. I pretend to be joyful at work but I dunno how much longer I can. The destructful force within me grows stronger with each passing day. Since this is assumed to be the last year of mankind I just hope I make it to see everyone’s disappointment in their faces when nothing happens.

Oh well, later…

Haven’t posted here in a while. Just haven’t have anything important to say. Not that what I’m typing now is important, it’s not. The job’s going good, the hours are much less than at Family Dollar. I’ve started to grow accustom to the differences between Dollar General and Family Dollar. Much of it is the same, some of it is completely different.

There are fewer of us there at that store. I don’t know if I’m getting on anyone’s nerves yet or not.

Got my first taste of the asshole customer the other day. Dudes wife left some fries when she and her kids checked out. Didn’t spot they left them until I started checking out other customers. During so the guy came in, told me some fries were left and I handed them to him and he called me a piece of shit because “you knew she left them here and didn’t have the common courtesy to go out there and give them back” He stared at me hard, though the only thing I could think of in my head was nothing. It didn’t concern me what so ever so I just said “ok”. He gave me the go to hell death stare as he walked out the door with his fries. After he left and I finished checking out the customers, I laughed about it because there was no need to get upset. He was ignorant of the details of the situation as most people are. He chose to see only one side of what had happened and wasn’t opened to the actual reason for them being left. “His wife just plain forgot them!” So why bitch at me? Because I’m there. It’s part of the “serve customer” shit they have going on.

Why stress over the little things when much greater things are out there to stress over?

I had a weird dream last night that I thought since I remembered it with detail I’d post about it.

In our dog pin we use to have behind our house lived our dogs, missy, coco & tootsie. Labs, Tootsie was there mother. Later came Roxanne and Sandy (sisters), we didn’t know exactly what mix of dog they were. Sandy had died in the dog pin and we had let her sister out to because she was alone. We couldn’t let our dogs out due to the neighbors complaining all the time about when they checked their mail (right in front of our house) our dogs would bark and sometimes run up to them showing their teeth. I use to feed our dogs in the dog pin everyday, but since their passing, there was no need. So I get this reoccurring dream about how I’m forgetting about feeding the dogs in the pin so much that I forget about them entirely. Then all the sudden in the dream I remember to feed them and I go to the pin and they are there. This time I let all the dogs out to run free but here’s where it gets interesting. In the pen this time, are 2 8ish year old twin sisters, one brownish blonde hair one black hair. Sisters of mine! My sister Cari and I are the only two siblings, but in my dream we have 2 more that live in a pin behind our house that we didn’t know about. In my dream I look in the house in the pin and it’s the same one but it has a little bed a feed bowl and some water. I let them out and beg my mom to let them live in the house, she receives a call that my sister is coming home and would need a place to stay again. So when my sister gets home, there they are 2 more sisters we never knew we had. My sis plays with the younger blondish brown one while I baby sit the black haired one. These sisters are somewhat schooled verbally, but lack any other type of education.

Next I step through a door and I’m in a universe with multiple doors through time. So that’s a different story…

I have accumulated a lot of crap over the years of my life. It’s time for that crap to go, stuff still in original packaging like action figures from Star Wars etc… Junk that I think kids would enjoy playing with these days. Thinking about donating my old NES to Roosterteeth in Austin TX. That still leaves the SNES, 64, Game Gear, Game Boys, and all that other crap. I have no need for such things anymore. It just sits in boxes and accumulates dust.

I look in my room and see nothing worth any value to me, it’s as if it’s someone else stuff and I’ve just been holding onto it for them. I looked on Ebay and the things I think I could possibly sell aren’t worth a hill of beans. So I might as well just give everything away. Anyone want something I got?

Been waiting around for months now depressed, down and out thinking about my future and what lies ahead. After being terminated from Family Dollar, I went into somewhat of a downward spiral. I kept going back to the store every week and hanging out there loitering for an hour or so because I missed the place. Yeah I know, crazy right? People just don’t understand that Family Dollar was my first official “JOB”, where as one where you get a constant check from a company and earn social security. Before that I was doing some computer repair and little odd things here and there. When I was terminated it impacted my life a lot. Days in days out doing nothing but just tears in my eyes because I found I really missed the place.

The opportunity to go to work at Family Dollar’s competition Dollar General arose since they’re building a new store in a nearby town. I filled out an application for that store and would check in every few weeks about the status of the building process. This past week I finally received word that I need “report for work” at the new Dollar General the 15th of July! I thought they completely forgot about me. So now I’m nervous again as this will be starting fresh with people who don’t know me. I’m hoping since my hiatus from work and my lack of being physically active due to being me natively won’t affect my first few days of this job, the job of preparing a store, which is sure to be hella work!

Shortly before this news though my right wisdom tooth started up and hurting again, it had broken a few years ago when I got a sandwich from subway and bit down. It hadn’t really bothered me at all, I could even eat softly on that side of my mouth. Sometimes biting down caused the nerve under the break to get active and it felt like someone had stuck a philips head screw driver there and hit it with a hammer. I never knew tooth pain could be that severe! I also have a problem with biting down on my teeth which has caused some cracking to get worse. Right now the right side of my mouth aches as though the gums are being aggravated by the wisdom tooth. I need to have it extracted before going to work at Dollar General, I don’t want to start there with painful teeth because that would cause my ability to work to look like I’m lazy! But I’m also afraid of going to the dentist, not because of getting the tooth out but because of the minor chest pains I get from time to time that cause me to think I’m dying right there. I imagine sitting in the chair and having a heart attack, I dunno why I just do. The whole dentist visit isn’t scary for me. I mean, when I went to have my galbladder taken out they were shocked that i wasn’t scared to go under the knife. I just wanted it done didn’t care if I didn’t wake up from it, just do it so I can get on with my life.

Man I have cavities too . I found a trick, if you have a blacklight/purple one you can shine it in your mouth, if parts of your teeth are pink that’s plaque/tartar. The whole upper right side of my mouth is filled with it because I haven’t been chewing on that side for a year. So they aren’t naturally getting cleaned off as they should during standard chewing of foods.

As I’m typing this right now, my teeth aren’t hurting as much, I’ve downed ibuprofen (out of date by 3 years), salt water rinse, brushing lightly with the pain only dulling down for a few mins. Hell even Orajel isn’t working! Numbs my mouth more than the teeth. I even tried a BC, it helped for a few mins, but the pain came back. Haven’t had a good nights sleep in a week it seems! . The only thing that seems to help the longest is having a cold grape inside the right of my mouth next to my teeth. Pain sucks!

So yeah getting back to the possible job at Dollar General. I’m suppose to be waiting on a phone call from the lady who’s going to be the manager there about showing up the 15th, I suppose she’ll have me a list of stuff I need to bring or whatever, to get the initial hiring etc… Assessment test perhaps? God I hope I pass that, those things are tricky! I have to wonder though, they will have most of those who are sticking around there trained in the ways of Dollar General, and here I am Family Dollar knowledge of things. I hope I can keep up . When they ask me during an interview about me, I’m going to be 100% truthful as I have been in the past, they ask me about my health I won’t lie. They ask me about why I was terminated from Family Dollar, I won’t lie! Honesty is the best policy. I just hope I physically am able to keep up there, been having those pains again.

I went into town today to deposit that check from inboxdollars I got. Swung (is that a word?) by Family Dollar to check in on something. I was saddened, only 1 person there seems to care about the store now . The ceiling is still screwed up, the PDT gun is still broken, no orders in weeks, nothing being done that needs to be done! Sigh, and the only one there that cares already needs another vacation!

You’re probably wondering why I bother caring, well, that place was my first “official” job I had ever had. It was also 3 years of my life there, it’s like a bond was created and when I was terminated I felt part of myself die or something. It’s like, since I left it’s been treated like a bastard child. 1 person can’t take care of the whole store but she’s doing a damn good job at trying.

Sucks, I wish I had a time machine to stop myself that day!

We’ve used CenturyLink internet service for years now. It has had its ups and downs but here lately it’s become slow as hell! Seems ok until around 2-11pm when it just stalls out as if you are using dialup again. Youtube videos have to be paused, waited on to download first before playing them. And forget about watching streaming movies on hulu or anything like that! I dunno if it’s a line capacity problem or if it has something to do with a faulty routing switch from one of the mains but seriously when you pay 50 bucks a month just for DSL internet service and are getting less than 1/3rd speed from said product, should you have to pay full price for something you aren’t getting?

Shortly after I departed Family Dollar, I was led to believe that I actually had a chance at getting back in. A now former employee there told me that the (now) manager there was going to try and get me back. I had heard it was possible, actually had hoped it would be! I went up there one day, unemployment attempt 3 required that I had proof of my vacation pay. Yes… Still no unemployment! “BROKE POLICY!” Blah blah blah… Anyway, it was recommended to me that I reapply at the store that I had a “good chance” of getting back in. So, excited, I went and applied for Family Dollar. My results were deleted by the system and I was yellow flagged for hiring. Yellow I assume due to the whole I was terminated thing for “not stealing” but breaking a company policy! Deleted applications can be brought into the hiring pool though. I was told to check back later and that the manager there was going to talk to the DM about my possible rehiring. So that got me psyched!

But…

Yes the but!

I’ve gone in the store and talked to the MOD and tell me they haven’t talked to the DM about it yet, that “he hasn’t been around”. Then I’m informed that the MOD and DM have talked. I go in there a few times more still the same answer. Is it so hard to just straight out tell me

A. “Sorry, he said NO”

B. “Sorry, I just keep forgetting”

C. “Sorry, I don’t really want you here I’m just trying to get a good laugh out of the situation”

D. “Sorry, I’m purposely forgetting because I’m too lazy”

I wish Family Dollar would tell me how they put me down when they took me out of the system. They won’t answer any phone calls regarding the issue and they won’t answer my emails! I really enjoyed being there, and it still to this day looks like I am needed there again!

BUT!

I was Led to Believe and it’s broken my heart.

Since my departure from steady payment every 2 weeks, I’ve had to do little odds and ends to have some income. Even though it’s a fairly small amount, it’s something. Researching around I found several and tried them but http://www.inboxdollars.com seemed to be the easiest. So far from them I’ve gotten a 50 dollar check and now a 30 dollar check coming in. All you pretty much do is check the email on a daily basis, watch little videos and try to take surveys, though trying the surveys I don’t qualify that often for them. I think you have to be quick about it. They could just be looking for someone between 20 and 25 years old etc… If you have time on your hands and want to try to make something, go for it. You have to reach 30 dollars in cash to request a check though.

I wanted some microsoft points to download Batman Arkham Asylum for PC. I wanted them quick cus i’m impatient. I found http://www.rewards1.com. In just 2 days I acquired 18 points and got my 1600 Microsoft Points. Since I continued with it, I’ve also made 15 dollars in cash which I’ve put in my paypal for future needs. The rewards1 thing is kinda iffy, lots of the things you do involves installing toolbars and stuff. So I have an old computer which I don’t care about set to be the download install one. So pretty much I’ve made 100 dollars by just doing survey sites.

So if you want, and you have time to spare, click on one of the links and join up, try it out what have you got to loose?

Ok so it’s like what 5 days in and the world still exists. HRM! Ok so this guy that calculated exactly when the end of days would happen got it wrong again. Sure one day the world might end or it might change and if the guy is still around in oh say about 1million years give or take a few billion i’m sure he would be one of those to say “I told you so”. Uh yeah buddy you sure told us. It’s about like saying “It’s going to rain!” when the weather man clearly states it’s not suppose to right then. However, yes some point in the near future or any time in the future it’s going to rain where you are, it just happens!

I’m not a very religious person, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a spiritual one. I have values that I go by that weren’t taught to me from a bible but through living and observing the world around me. If people would stop look and listen to what’s around them, they have no idea what they are missing. A person doesn’t have to go to church to believe in God either, a church these days isn’t about celebrating the Sunday as the day of rest it’s just about how many people they can squeeze into one building and offer them words of advice that these people already know. Plus, the church demands you pay them for your visit. You don’t put money in that collection plate, you get looks so peer pressure causes you to pay up! No I’m not blurting this information out of my ass, it happens to be a matter of fact. One day a preacher who is well known to those in his community confessed to me about how churches these days really function. I already knew but hearing him admit the information was enlightening. “You spend a certain amount of time just reading through the bible picking out stories to write down and resight back to those who already know it, it’s nothing new it’s all about how many people you get in and how much they are willing to donate.”

Ok trailing off as I usually do, lets get back to this rapture shall we? What is the Rapture anyway? It’s been predicted in the bible(s) that the end of days would come a certain way, we all know the stories and if we don’t just watch Supernatural it can fill you in on most of what you already know. Global warming, wars, weather changes, MYAN CALENDER ENDS! These are all things that will happen regardless of any human or other interference.

Let’s talk about what it is exactly we live on… Planets go through these phases due to, you know, the universe, solar-system and galaxies. Our very own planet has gone through a couple of ice ages, life has popped in and out of existence on our world since it became habitable. It just so happens if there is an ice age then there’s sure to be an opposite right? POLAR CAPS ARE MELTING. Yes that’s what happens to ice when it gets hot! Believe it or not these are normal changes the Earth has gone through even before us. Our magnetic field shifts around all the time, the Earth recycles itself, the polar caps reverse and heck even wind up somewhere else entirely. These all happen slowly over time, for the Earth this is normal, for us it’s catastrophic? No! This may shock a lot of you readers but… The Earth is a living being! It may not be like us, it’s our host and we it’s parasites. We are of the Earth, it is made of the same stuff we are. To challenge that it is not living means we are not living. Think of all the terrible events that happened over the course of just this past decade, now if you could put the Earth into a human body, what would this remind you of?

So anyway back to the topic at hand. RAPTURE! It’s been talked about for centuries, you are born with sin thanks to angels, your sins were sacrificed thanks to the Christ and many like him at the same time during that era. When this Rapture happens, those who are true believers in God are suppose to vanish and immediately go to heaven, right? While those of us who aren’t 100% devoted will stay here in this new Hell and fight to the death with Lucifer/Satan at the helm, then Jesus will come and fight blah blah blah right? If the rapture did happen and no one vanished what does that say about the belief in God? Ok so lets run a test then since the guy that calculated it stated that he just missed it by a few months. September 2011 is the next Rapture… So if people you know, your loved ones, friends etc… just up and Vanish right in front of you, I want all of you who are left to say I told you so. But, if it doesn’t happen….again….then I guess that still means that either A. Not everyone believes 100% in God enough to be taken to Heaven or B. The guy miss calculated again?

Whether or not you believe in God, the Rapture, Jesus, or don’t believe in anything, one thing is for certain. You are given only a fraction of time in life so why worry about what others consider to be normal or force a way of thinking onto you? Do what you want, you are the world we live in, you have a choice to do whatever you want regardless of consequences. If you make a name for yourself, make friends or get in the history books, one thing is certain, those that follow hundreds of years later that read or watch you won’t know who you really were… Unless we discover brainwave storage devices that can be jacked into us to recollect what a person was like.

I’d like to hear your thoughts about the Rapture and what you believe. I’m not here to argue one way or the other.